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Jak jsem měla hlavu v oblacích…

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Letos jsem se poprvé dostala k provádění. V říjnu! Jak nemám na nic čas, tak jsem prováděla pouze speciální a kostýmované prohlídky. Hrané pohádky moc nepočítám, to totiž není provádění, ale sranda.

Prohlídka krovů a střech slavkovského zámku byla naplánovaná na jaro. Vidle do toho hodil COVID, takže jsme prohlídku přesouvali a přesouvali až jsme ji přesunuli na 4. 10. A já se těšila moc.

Těšit jsem se přestala v momentě kdy jsem do ruky dostala stavebně-historický průzkum střech a krovů, že tohle je můj text. Já vám nevím jestli jste někdy viděli jak takový stavebně-historický průzkum vypadá, ale čtení na dlouhé zimní večery to teda opravdu není. A zároveň to je text psaný pro odborníka, takže laik a já tomu vopravdu, ale vopravdu nerozumí.

Přišel pátek, nouzový stav a já si čile e-mailovala se svým super-šéfem, jak to teda bude a jestli to náhodou nezrušíme znova. Prej nezrušíme, už si 4 lidi koupili vstupenky. Zároveň jsem si vymrčela, aby přišel v neděli ráno na zámek mi ukázat kudy se vlastně na tu půdu leze, poniváč jsem tam nikdy nebyla.

V neděli jsem plná optimismu zamířila na Slavkov. Snad poprvé za deset let jsem nejenomže přijela do práce včas, ale dokonce dřív, takže jsem seděla jak bezdomovec na nádvoří, popíjela kafe z benzinky a kouřila v neblahé předtuše věcí příštích. A taky že jo. Šéf na mě zapomněl, na desátou měli přijít první lidi a já jsem o půl desáté stále netušila kudy se leze nahoru. Když přiběhl, rovnou jsme utíkali po schodech na půdy, abychom zjistili, že polovina světel je vyražená a nesvítí, schody jsou strmé a mě se na nich dělá špatně a prší, takže přechod přes střechu se mění v dobrodružství zavánějící bojem o holý život.

Každou prohlídku jsem pak opatrně zahajovala dotazem, zda je někdo z přítomných tesařem a krovům náhodou nerozumí. Naštěstí se neobjevil tesař ani jeden a tak jsem mohla spokojeně celý den machrovat a házet pojmy jako ležatá osma, krokve v rozestupu 0,8 metru a zdvojený humbalek. Žel to bylo tak asi všechno, protože rudkové nápisy se mi nepovedlo nikde najít, stejně tak zdobené štítky. A přitom jsem se dívala fakt všude. Jediné co jsem našla byly tři holubí zdechliny.

Den tiše plynul, ovšem strach z nově nastoleného nouzového režimu (který ovšem bude v platnosti až od pondělí!!!) pravděpodobně ovlivnil návštěvnost a tak jsem sice odešla tři prohlídky, ovšem s minimálním počtem návštěvníků. Abych si spravila den, vzala jsem jedny Historické salonky, kde jsem nebohé návštěvnice držela dvacet minut přes čas, nadšená, že někoho zajímá co říkám.

Poslední prohlídka je ovšem výživná. Sice jsou tam jenom tři, ale stojí za to. Manželský pár a jeden sólo chlapík. Celou prohlídku zdržíme o 15 minut protože se mnou pán diskutuje, že podpisy řemeslníků, kteří průběžně opravovali střechy od 18. století dál jsou vandalismus a ničení památek.

Taky potom co osmkrát zdůrazním že stromy jsou jedle pokácené průběžně v první polovině 18. století, všimne si pán všeználek, že ty trámy vypadají na jedle. A asi staré, protože jsou popraskané.

Zmíním rekonstrukci střech v letech 2006-2008 a vzápětí se za mnou ozve, že některé ty trámy vypadají jako vyměněné.

Celkově si připadám, že mám sebou papouška, který ale chce dokázat, že je chytřejší než já.

Prohlídky vlastně utekly hrozně rychle. Mezičas mezi nimi, byl ale topový, protože kolegyně Lída grafologicky rozebrala nás ostatní co jsme byly na směně, pročež jsme pak s holkama chodily celý den po zámku a šeptem si sdělovaly, že Lída je čarodějnice, protože to není možný aby poznala tolik z námi napsaného slova GUMÁKY. 😀

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