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O němé průvodkyni

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Úterý

Přestala jsem mluvit. Respektive ne úplně. Včera se na mém začínajícím nachlazení podepsala klimatizace v nákupním centru a tři hodiny jsem jenom pískala. Ženská v masně z toho měla druhé vánoce. 

 Doma se mi krk srovnal a já se rozhodla, že netřeba měnit směny, že to v práci zvládnu. Z omylu mě vyvádí kolegyně, která mi hned zkraje sdělí, že vypadám fakt hrozně. Když jdeme pozapojovat podzemí a mě z ruky vypadne ovladač a na rovné zemi zakopnu a skoro se natáhnu, tak mě pošle čekat na schody a pak už se to se mnou táhne zbytek dne. 

Hlídám výstavy a chodím jenom tam, kde se nemluví. Pro průvodce fakt super.
Dneska se otevírá nová výstava Fyzika hrou, kde jsou nejrůznější blbinky a modely a přístroje na kterých se demonstrují fyzikální jevy. Jdu to tam pohlídat a podívat se co a jak (protože se tam nemluví). Rozhodně bych přidala židli pro průvodce, protože chodit za lidma na každém kroku je hrozně trapné, pokud si o to neřeknou a není si tam kde sednout. Stát jim za zadkem jak dráb vypadá taky divně. 
V mezičase piluju ruční práce. Protože termín svatby se neúprosně blíží, tak vyšívám závoj. Protože ten bude opravdu hodný princezny. Tak vyřezávám kytičky a lístečky, které potom budu našívat na tyl a kombinuju je s korálky.
Odpoledne mě holky pošlou hlídat lego výstavu. To neměly dělat. V herničce mi padá hlava, jsem naprosto mrtvá a spala bych. Na průvodcevně sebou lisknu na gauč a v minutě spím. Probudí mě až fakt, že máme jít zavírat okna. 
Středa

Včera to bylo fakt marný. Dneska je lidí ještě víc a já se paradoxně cítím stejně jako včera. Ale aspoň jednu prohlídku půjdu, protože mám blbý pocit, kvůli včerejšku.
V poledne na mě vychází historické sály s čtyřiceti lidma. Už je to kolik let co jsem neměla čtyřicetihlavou prohlídku a normálně bych jásala, teď se jenom děsím pomyšlení, jak to umluvím. 
A navíc kromě jednoho milého starého pána jsou to všechno naprosto marní návštěvníci. Drtivou většinu to vůbec nezajímá, zbytek hledí jenom na to, jak mě naštvat. 
A jak mám slovenské geny, tak musím konstatovat, že v téhle prohlídce byli všichni Slováci blbci s velkým B. A velkým L. a druhým B. A C. A nakonec i s velkým I. Prostě BLBCI.
V jednom z prvních salonků přiskotačí důchodkyně a ptá se:
„Ty malby sú fresky štukované?“
„No malba je freska. Kolem toho jsou umělecké štuky od Bussiho.“
„Nie, ty fresky sů štukované?“
„Ne fresky jsou fresky.“
„Ale štukované?“

Už se nadechuju, že jí udělím přednášku Technika  zpracování nástěnných maleb se zvláštním důrazem na techniku Fresco a Secco, ale nakonec se k ní přitočí její doprovod, něco jí zašeptá do ucha a jdou pryč. Po zbytek prohlídky Slovena už jenom zírá na stropy a nehlasně opakuje „Štukované.“

V ložnici se chlap ptá, jestli je postel ze dřeva, že vypadá jako kamenná. 
No nevím, ať se koukám jak se koukám. Ta postel prostě jako kamenná nevypadá. Nebo jo? 
Během prohlídky se sice šetřím ale stejně slyším jak mě pomalu opouští hlas. A než se dobereme závěrečného „Doufám, že se vám na zámku líbilo, přeju hezký den a snad někdy ve Slavkově nashledanou.“ , tak už ze mě jde zase jenom pískání. 
Holky na průvodcovně z toho mají strašnou srandu. Paní pokladní podezírá, že filmuju a zlomyslně doporučuje poslat mě na kalciovku na středisko. Rozhodnu se vyléčit po svém dortíkem v kavárně a pořádným hrnkem kafe. 
Jedna moje báječná kolegyně mi nabízí, že za mě zítra vezme směnu, ale já doufám, že se mi to srovná. Navíc bych nepotřebovala jeden den volna, ale tak měsíc. 
Nakonec uznávám, že není třeba dělat zbytečného hrdinu a s pomocí počítače tedy kolegyni prosím, jestli by fakt mohla, že bych si tu směnu ráda přehodila. 
Jedu domů a mlčet.

6 737 komentářů u „O němé průvodkyni“

  1. Zzase se na pokladně válím smíchy!!! Tvoje články mně prostě baví! 😀
    Já mám trochu jiné špeky z pokladny:
    Já: "Prohlídka začíná na pátém nádvoří, je to za všemi branami"
    Paní: "Kde začíná ta prohlídka?"
    Já: "Hledejte cedulku Horní hrad, tam je věž a můžete jít do ní sami."
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  2. Zzase se na pokladně válím smíchy!!! Tvoje články mně prostě baví! 😀
    Já mám trochu jiné špeky z pokladny:
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    Paní: "Kde začíná ta prohlídka?"
    Já: "Hledejte cedulku Horní hrad, tam je věž a můžete jít do ní sami."
    Paní:"Do věže s námi půjde průvodce?"

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  3. Jojo, kolegyně z infocentra (které je v areálu zámku, když jdeš do íčka, tak už čučíš na zámek) líčí hororové storky: "A ten hrad je jako kde?"

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    Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept talking about this. I am going to forward
    this information to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
    I appreciate you for sharing!

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  256. Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist
    with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some
    targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains.
    If you know of any please share. Thank you!

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